Rejection: It’s Not You, It’s Them

Online dating can be tough on your self-confidence – but don’t let the occasional no-reply put you off

The dating game can be a tricky one to master; at times it feels like you’re on a winning streak, whereas some days it can seem like you’re on a snakes and ladders board… only it’s nothing but snakes.

The thing with online dating, just like dating in the “real world”, is that when things don’t go quite as you hoped, it can be hard not to feel a bit down about it all. But do resist – I promise, it’s nothing to do with you.

The fact is that dating in general is a scary thing to enter into. By putting your profile online, you’re literally putting yourself out there, so it’s completely natural to have a few worries and doubts, however misguided they may be.

Thanks to my long-term single girl status, I’ve become quite comfortable with my solitary self. No longer do I feel those nerves before a first date, and I definitely have zero problems with taking the lead and sending the opening message. I have, however, felt that tinge of disappointment in my stomach when I don’t receive a reply.

Is it because I’m ugly? Perhaps my profile is boring? Maybe I come across as a snob? Am I “fanciable”? These are all questions that have run riot through my insecure mind at some time or another, until I simply realised that I need to stop caring so much.

What you need to understand is that these people haven’t even met you. They don’t know how intelligent you are; they haven’t tasted your excellent baking, or heard your hilarious (if slightly cheesy) jokes. It’s not something you should allow yourself to take personally, because they don’t know you personally. 

Online dating allows people to be super-picky, which is why it works so well, but it can mean that you miss out on a reply simply because you’re an inch too short, or a couple of miles further away than they’re willing to travel for a snog. If I get a rejection, I just assume the guy was intimidated by my obvious wit and Angelina Jolie-esque looks (I wish), and move on. It’s simply not worth dwelling on.

Unfortunately, at some stage or another we all have to experience rejection of some sort – it’s just one of those necessary evils in life, like finding there’s no milk when you’ve already boiled the kettle, or people who insist on standing on the left of the escalator. Try and also remember that in your time online, there have probably been a few messages that you haven’t replied to either.

“Putting yourself out there” can definitely feel daunting at times, but don’t let a non-reply hold you back or put you off. The worst thing you can do is allow yourself to let someone who’s never even met you make you feel like you’re not good enough for the hundreds of other potential soulmates who are literally just a few sentences away.

So send more messages, and keep going. Just make sure you check for typos…

Read more of Lauren online at nobaddatesjustgoodstories.tumblr.com and twitter.com/Crouchi.

Share this article
  • miles